I’ll be honest with you. I’ve had 2 glasses of wine and I feel like sharing. Remember N? Well N has been blowing up my phone (not really, but kinda). She’s wants to meet up for lunch or dinner before she leaves for a different city. She’s relocating to another state for a few months. And I’m going to miss her. I know that in my last post I pretty much spoke only about her and that little incident at the restaurant but I’m kinda over it. Not really but kinda.
So N sent me a text a few days ago asking if we could meet up. I’m still caught up in my feelings right, so I play hard to get. Eventually she gives me an ultimatum: today or tomorrow? And I respond with today. We meet up and I want to hate her because of what she did to me but it’s proving to be a difficult task. Because N is apparently none the wiser of the impact her words and actions had on me, she’s in the best mood ever (as far as I can tell). She tells me all about her new love life and it’s all so juicy and interesting – I’m enjoying it. She’s laid back as usual but her eyes light up when she talks about her new man. She pulls me in. I forget that I’m still mad at her and start getting really engaged in our conversation. A part of me though is still holding back. And this is very difficult because you never want to hold back when you are with a friend. You want to be yourself 100%. I toy around with the idea of telling her how I actually feel but I chicken out. I hide behind my lifelong excuse of hating confrontation (I genuinely do!).
We end up spending just over an hour at lunch. I order 2 glasses of wine – one after the other. It’s a pretty good SSB (semillon sauvignon blanc). I advise her on what we should order and it’s all deep fried food, which is my favourite hahahaha! We order gooey mozzarella, bacon and sun dried tomato croquettes, pistachio crumbed haloumi on apricot jelly and honey and lastly hot truffle fries with parmesan and aioli. The food is good, the service is amazing, the conversation is great. Except for that little bit of nagging annoyance chipping away at me. Lunch ends. I walk her to her car. She’s parked quite a distance from my office. She insists on driving me back up and I let her. Mostly because I tell myself that this might be my opportunity to tell her how I really felt about her speech at the dinner. I don’t say anything. We talk about everything else except for that. I get out of her car. Ooops one of my artificial nails has fallen off in her car. How awkward. She plays it down, saves me my dignity. How awesome is she! I pick up my nail, hug her goodbye and strut back into my office building. God, I’m such a coward!
So it’s been a while since I’ve been in this city now and I’ve made quite a few friends. Somehow, it seems my new friends are the “it gals” in the city or more specifically, in their community. I love hanging out with them but sometimes they can be a bit mean – actually ‘mean’ might be a little bit too harsh but I’ll let you be the judge.
It’s N’s birthday and she’s invited us to her birthday dinner which will be followed by a night out partying. In this city, clubs tend to close early which is annoying but I’m still excited. I’m definitely looking forward to spending time with her and all her close friends. Dinner is going really well. I order crispy pork belly, vegetables and a spicy chilli basil sauce. Yum, right? The spicy chilli basil sauce doesn’t come. Aargh. The venue is buzzing, the champagne is flowing, the mood is lit. N gets up to make a speech. She starts off pretty well until she gets to the part where she says “You know I’ve known everyone at this table for over 10 years now, well…except for these 2” – as she purposefully points at me. Everyone around the table sniggers.
I hate being the centre of attention and I absolutely abhor being put in the spotlight. While what she’s said is the truth – yes, we haven’t known each other for that long – it still feels hurtful for her to point this out at a dinner table with over 20 people. Why invite me to your dinner if you are so conscious of the fact that we do not know each other well. I try to gather myself and hide the hurt in my eyes but she has ruined the evening for me. I am no longer interested in hanging out with her and the rest of her crew for the night. We pay the bill and I excuse myself. A few people notice and ask why my mood has changed but I can’t be bothered to address the issue right now. Mainly because it seems so trivial but I just can’t get over it and I really want to go home at this point. So I do just that – I go home.
On my way home, N calls to find out if I’m okay. I tell her I am & that she should enjoy the rest of her evening (with her friends that she’s known for over 10 years! – of-course I don’t say that, but I am definitely thinking it). I feel bad and also a little bit childish at this point but my disappointment & hurt takes over. I really thought N & I were getting close and that she was someone I could rely on and trust. If I’m being honest though, I still feel that way about her but from now on, I’ll try and limit my guest appearances when she’s having large groups of people over – they seem to excite her a little too much!
I’ll be honest, I’ve always wanted to start a blog. I’ve always considered myself a writer. Mostly because I had the best poems in class growing up. And the best English test marks. In my mind that instantly made me a writer. “I had the makings of a writer”. Except I didn’t. While I absolutely love reading, I actually do not (or rather, didn’t) have the patience to sit and write something. My thoughts take long to form and even longer to put across in words. Which makes me socially awkward half the time. So I put writing off for a long time. I told myself that I wasn’t good enough and that no one would like what I wrote Continue reading “Choosing A Blog Name”