I’ll be honest, I’ve always wanted to start a blog. I’ve always considered myself a writer. Mostly because I had the best poems in class growing up. And the best English test marks. In my mind that instantly made me a writer. “I had the makings of a writer”. Except I didn’t. While I absolutely love reading, I actually do not (or rather, didn’t) have the patience to sit and write something. My thoughts take long to form and even longer to put across in words. Which makes me socially awkward half the time. So I put writing off for a long time. I told myself that I wasn’t good enough and that no one would like what I wrote (which might prove to be true) but what is the point of life if you don’t try. I mean, we all have ideas, visions, plans. Some become successful, others not so much. That shouldn’t be the point though. The point should be that you tried to live your dream. You tried to execute your ideas. You tried to bring your visions to life. If you have done all this, then you have lived your life to it’s fullest potential.
So back to writing…
Lately, as my birthday looms ahead, I have had sudden episodes of panic. Where I feel like I haven’t exactly lived my life to it’s fullest potential. I have so many things I have always wanted to do (yet talked myself out of doing them). One of them is writing so now here I am. Just Start right. Just do it. Word Press is the most popular (& recommended) blogging platform so I came here. They asked what I wanted my blog name to be and I just couldn’t decide. That’s a lie- I actually couldn’t even think of a blog name. My brain does that sometimes. Where I’m required to think and respond and it just goes off on a tangent and shuts down. It’s the worst experience ever. I think it’s because I put so much pressure on myself to release perfect information. I tell myself that I always need to get it right the first time around and that nothing except the best will do. And then I scare myself into believing that I could never produce the best. My brain must hate me. Arrggh.
So here I was trying to think up a name or phrase that no one else had ever thought of or used . Something catchy, something funny, something unique. I waited for my brain to blow me away…Nothing. So eventually I closed the tab and went for a drink. It would be more than 4 months until my next try. This time around, I told myself that I should use the best name I can come up with. Maybe creativity isn’t my forte (I mean, I plagiarised at the age of 8-before I even knew the word, worse still how to spell it)*. This time around I changed my blog name criteria from “the next best thing since sliced bread”to “whatever sounded good and made sense for me”.
I must admit, it was still a bit of a mission to figure it out but this time there was less pressure on my poor brain. So ‘love’ came to mind, mostly because my life is filled with so much of it. ‘Law’ filled my head next, because I love law. ‘Lovelaw’ sounded incomplete to me so I picked the next word that came to mind – ‘faith’. But funny enough I couldn’t commit to using it. I deleted it multiple times and for one stupid reason. I thought it didn’t have enough wow factor (I mean I even thought of adding ‘sex’ to the ‘lovelaw’ combo. How insane!). Eventually I decided on faith.
Faith plays such a huge role in my life. Possibly a bigger role than love and certainly law. Faith is believing in something/s bigger than you. Right now I believe I will write really excellent stories that the world will get to see one day, I believe that I will play an influential role in the field of law. I believe I will go to bed tonight and wake up tomorrow. I believe that this simple girl (me) will stay in a mansion one day and be a millionaire. Faith hey. Let’s see where ‘LoveLawFaith’ will take us.
*When I was in primary school, our teacher Mrs M, asked us to submit poems for Mother’s Day. Being the procrastinator that I am (I was born this way), I did not write mine until the absolute last minute. At which point I realised that I did not have decent material. Suddenly an idea came to me through our home radio. The harmonious voices of Boys II Men. They were singing their latest song, Mama. As they belted out their lyrics, my ink started to flow onto my homework book. It came to me so easy- the lyrics to Mama. I finished off my poem with the last words of their song, shut my book and got ready for school.
I received the highest marks in class for that exercise. Clearly, no one including Mrs M had heard the song ‘Mama’ yet. I passed through cheating. I was so happy, I was on cloud nine! For the rest of the week my mother repeatedly asked me to recite my winning poem to her friends. She was so proud of me. I won’t lie to you, I never for a second felt bad. I guess I was too young to fully understand what I had done and how wrong it was. But I absolutely loved and rode through that wave. I’m happy to say I haven’t cheated my way through life since that incident. Well, at least in an academic or professional capacity. I now have a fully developed conscious.